holidays

Jim Adler is the chief privacy officer at Intelius. Jim wrote this article as a guest columnist for the Seattle Times on July 4, 2011.

Today we celebrate the 235th anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence. It got me thinking about how our American commitment to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness applies to today's high-tech, fast-paced, social-media world, especially for privacy and speech rights.

So let's drill into this right to privacy, a subject that has captured national attention lately in both the mainstream media and Congress. The Constitution provides for no such privacy right among us citizens. The Bill of Rights does offer privacy protections from the government. The Third Amendment protects our homes from government intrusion, and the Fourth Amendment protects our homes from unreasonable government searches and seizures.

But the Constitution doesn't provide for privacy protections among our fellow citizens. For that, we're largely left to the common law. This more pedestrian, common-law idea of privacy was discussed in "The Right to Privacy" (Harvard Law Review, 1890) by the future Supreme Court Justice Louis Brandeis and partner Samuel Warren.Warren and Brandeis quote from an 1880 treatise by Michigan Supreme Court Justice Thomas Cooley who introduced a "right to be let alone" in the context of common law torts — basically the 19th-century version of "don't tase me, bro."

So, privacy embodies an essential value of discretion — the expectation "to be let alone" by government and citizen. Of course, in tension with this value is a value of disclosure, embodied by the First Amendment, which guarantees freedom of press, individual speech and peaceful assembly.

It is within this uniquely American tapestry that we grapple with the deluge of new technological devices and social media. Should we have the right to have ourselves erased from the Internet, surf without being tracked, make an unrecorded phone call or conduct an anonymous search? As parents, how do we balance the responsibility to keep our kids safe online with respect for their privacy?

The good news is that we've been wrestling with these heady issues for 235 years, and this discretion/disclosure heritage can really help.

For example, when it comes to "smart grid," I'm a privacy-conservative. Smart grid is a set of technologies that monitors the power usage of the appliances in our homes. Frankly, my home (and body) are places of the highest discretion. How much time I spend staring at the fridge with the door open is my business. In the home, discretion rules, period.

But when in public, disclosure is king. I was leaving a baseball game a few weeks ago, and a woman was taking pictures of the fans as they left the stadium. In today's world, I would expect my picture to be uploaded, tagged and available to anyone online. It's the Internet equivalent of the small-town refrain: "Hey, did you see Jim at the game?"

Social media is less than a decade old. We are at the beginning of this journey to map our traditional values to this new medium. The question is whether this medium can support our values? And, if so, how?

In a recent New Yorker piece, "Small Change — why the revolution will not be tweeted," Malcolm Gladwell criticizes social media for favoring vast, "weak-tie" relationships where disclosure is maximal and discretion is minimal.

He contrasts these relationships to small, "strong-tie" groups that enjoy deep trust because of the secrets they keep. Gladwell describes the relationship of the Greensboro Four who led the 1960 lunch counter sit-ins in North Carolina. They discreetly discussed the idea of a sit-in for nearly a month over beers smuggled into their dorm room. The day before the sit-in, they challenged each other in the most in-your-face way when one of them asked: "Are you guys chicken or not?"

There is historic power that emerges from breaking the tension between discretion and disclosure. Our founders engaged in a similar social dynamic as the Greensboro Four — brutally honest disclosure among themselves and saintly discretion with everyone else.

The values of privacy and speech, discretion and disclosure were at play 235 years ago in Philadelphia, 51 years ago in Greensboro, and we Americans are reflexively shaping social media to support them today. These are the values that allow us to trust each other, to challenge each other, and ultimately to depend on each other. Let's not forget that on this Independence Day.

Happy Fourth!

Now young adults, our kids have been on social networks since their early teens. Being a technology family, our policy has been to encourage supervised experimentation. So even though our boys weren’t afforded complete privacy, they were permitted age-appropriate control and authority over their social situations.

Of course, the weasel words here are age-appropriate, which we parents unilaterally define — a prerogative of being the prison warden. True enough, but we’ve always told our kids: “It’s the job of your mother and I to make the rules. It’s the job of you guys to negotiate change.” And that’s worked pretty well over the years.

At last week’s Computer, Freedom, and Privacy conference, danah boyd (she prefers the cummingsian capitalization) struck a similar chord, pointing out that social norms define privacy boundaries. So for Father’s Day, I thought I’d share some personal lessons with my fellow fathers on the social norms that have shaped the privacy boundaries of my kids’ online lives.

1. Parents should be seen and not heard.
   My very informal, unscientific poll says that parental engagement should be no more than 5%. That means you should only like, comment, or retweet 1 in 20 of your kids’ posts.
2. Don’t overreact.
   A corollary to #1. Of the 1 in 20 posts where you do respond, keep it breezy. Remember that your kids’ friends are watching the online exchange, and they really don’t need to be reprimanded or gushed over in front of their friends. Take it offline or to a private message.
3. Don’t pollute their feed.
   I’m guilty of this one. For awhile, I didn’t appreciate the boundaries between social networks, so my work-related LinkedIn and Twitter updates were piped to my Facebook feed. I was penalty-boxed by my youngest who said “No one [on Facebook] knows or cares about any of this business stuff, Dad. Jeez!” Ugh, point taken.
4. Don’t hack.
   This is pretty basic but don’t break into your kids’ account. If you really have probable cause for a search and seizure, be upfront about it. Spying and lying always undermine the trust in a relationship. Duh.
5. Don’t judge.
   Social circles are always in flux, so don’t judge your kids’ friends by what they post or say among themselves. There are exceptions to this rule but realize, as a parent, you only have a few chits to spend before you get tuned out.
6. Don’t ask, don’t tell.
   As a parent, you’ll undoubtedly be perplexed by the jargon, context, and outright subterfuge of their online communication. You can’t really ask what’s going on. As danah boyd put it, your kids are hiding in plain site amidst the constant gaze of parents and teachers. Respect what little private space they have. Remember that you are largely a visitor in this strange land. At best, you’re tolerated; at worst, despised.
7. What happens online stays online.
   Try not to use their online activity against them offline. Just because your thirteen year-old son Like’d Spongebob doesn’t give you license to blab about it to everyone at the next neighborhood barbecue.
8. Mind your own privacy settings.
   Your kids don’t want to see your party pictures. Be a role model. They are watching you, too.
9. Don’t friend their friends.
   I hope this one is plainly obvious, but unless you really are friends, don’t be the “cool parent” and horn into your kids’ social circle.
10. You’re a parent, act like one.
    As your kids get older, they may not see you as simply the prison warden but as an actual person. Remember, they can see your feed, too. I’ve shared interesting stuff that my kids actually have Like’d or commented on. And maybe some of that feedback wasn’t just to suck-up. I can dream, can’t I? After all, it is Father’s Day.

More from Jim Adler, Chief Privacy Officer at Intelius

For many, the Holidays are a magical time made up of family, friends and fond memories. But what if someone near and dear is missing from your life? If you have lost touch with a special person and want to reconnect this holiday season, the Internet may hold valuable clues to their whereabouts.

Years ago, locating someone required a lot of legwork, some detective skills and a little luck for good measure. Today, there are online tools, sites and services to aide in the process. The key is to get organized, use the right tools and get started sooner rather than later.

1. Gather together any and all information you may know about the person. Begin with the basics, such as name, birth date, mother’s maiden name or last known address. If those details are limited, make a list of anyone who might have knowledge about their whereabouts, such as childhood friends, relatives or old neighbors. Each person on the list may hold an important clue to helping you achieve your goal.
2. Although Google or Facebook may seem like an obvious place to start, the volume of information you receive can be overwhelming, unproductive and even discouraging. To bypass quantity and go straight to quality data, tap into public records. A social security number can unlock a goldmine of home, work and personal records, but even a single email address or phone number can produce valuable insight.With the exception of juvenile files, adoptions and financial records, public information is available for anyone to view. What once required a trip to the city or county clerk’s office is now available at your fingertips from companies that bring this information together as a service, such as Intelius (www.intelius.com).
3. If your special someone is, or might be, homeless or does not want to be found, your search could require some serious sleuthing. Since no national database exists for this population, your phone skills, patience and ingenuity will be key. Check online for a list of shelters, community organizations and churches in the area you believe they may reside and track down anyone with whom they may have had contact. Share photographs, create a ‘Missing’ poster or consider an ad in a local paper or online website such as craigslist. Keep in mind that this population is mobile and that your search may take you to places you have yet to imagine.
4. Once you secure contact information, consider carefully the best method for reconnecting. If you have time and reason to believe that your special someone may not be as interested in connecting as you are, send a letter to the last known address to break the ice. Explain your interest, provide contact information and give them the opportunity to respond. Always mark the envelope, “Forwarding Address Requested,” so the post office can forward or return your letter if their address is unknown.

Reconnecting with a special someone could be the best gift possible for the holidays, but it may also present challenges and even disappointment. Today’s online tools make the process easier than ever before, but it still takes time and patience to undergo a search. 

Keep in mind that you may locate someone who does not want to be found or may not be ready to reconnect as quickly as you are. Take heart. You will never know until you get started.

Set your expectations and cherish the peace of mind gained from the journey. If you locate your loved one, celebrate the joy of having them back in your heart, if not your home, during this special season.